No woman would deny Matt Lauer is hot, but who would have thought him roastable? The man who grills the greats on network television had the heat turned up on him at the Friars Club Roast held at The Hilton. Even the man known for his cool demeanor and perfectly tailored suits couldn’t hide his surprise when Tom Cruise made an appearance, recalling the tense discussion the two had on the Today Show in 2005. Cruise took his best shots, “People know Matt and I had ‘that little thing’ a few years ago ... You know, I was just taking his advice. He told me, ‘Nobody wants to hear about your dopey movie. Go crazy. People will love you for it.’”

The audience was packed with the names and faces that populate Ameri can television screens from morning to night: Al Roker, Katie Couric, Meredith Vieira, Ann Curry, Jeffrey Ross, Richard Belzer, Pat Cooper, Jeff Zuckner, Martha Stewart, Aretha Franklin (who sang the National Anthem), Vanessa Williams, Diane Sawyer, Clay Aiken, Joy Behar, Luke Russert, Kathie Lee Gifford, Donald Trump, Chris Hansen, Jim Cramer, Tiki Barber, Dominic Chianese, Mario Lopez, Danny Aiello, Abe Vigoda, Vincent Pastore, Omraosa Manigault-Stallworth, and George Takei. All roared with laughter as Cruise presented a slideshow of Photoshopped pictures of himself and Lauer jet skiing, cooking, and frolicking together. He didn’t stop there—“I have to hand it to you, my friend,” he went on, “I go from international movie set to movie set, from one amazing party to another, yet you have found happiness doing the same thing every single day. Sitting on a couch, interviewing Charles from Knight Rider, making five-minute radish puffs with Rachael Ray ... Yes, we all wake up to you every morning—because that was the last channel we had on the night before.”

Cruise was joined by a chorus of roasters, starting with Lauer’s co-host Vieira: “Sarah Palin and Matt have three things in common,” she said. “They both spent $150,000 on clothes this season, they both wear women’s jeans and they’ve both been screwed by Katie Couric.” Couric herself took a turn, and a hit: “There are 1,900 people here today. That’s the biggest audience I’ve had since I left NBC.” Lauer wasn’t the only target, as the zingers struck anyone within hearing distance. “I was a little nervous when Tom Cruise was here,” Richard Belzer said. “I kept waiting for him to start jumping up and down on Al Roker.” Meredith Vieira continued roasting, “$150,000 sounds like a lot, but in Eliot Spitzer dollars, that’s three hookers and a pony.” Through it all, Lauer proved himself unflappable, firing the last witty shot at Cruise, as the below-average-height actor tried to sneak out early. “Can’t you stay, man?” Lauer called out to him. “We can get you a booster seat!”