Summer Fling?

It’s a tale as old as time. Summer begins. Boy meets girl. (Or girl meets boy. Or boy meets boy. Or girl meets girl—you get the drill. Love is love. Fill in the blank as you see fit.)

So where was I again? Oh, boy meets girl. Boy and girl go for long walks along the beach. Boy and girl dine at fabulous restaurants, sharing appetizers and main courses at Nammo’s and 75 Main. Boy and girl attend polo, cocktail parties, fundraisers. And then—well, to quote the lyrics made popular by Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta: It turned colder, that’s where it ends, So [he] told her [they]’d still be friends. If you’ve been reading my editor’s take for 19 years (yes, our 20th is next year), you know that I like to come up with guides—a guide to party crashers, guide to Hampton specific entomology… Well, my friends, this year I have come up with a new guide that will be extra handy if you are planning to ditch your summer fling. I present you with “Joan Jedell’s 50 Ways to Leave Your Summer Lover.” Ok, maybe not 50. To date, I have come up with seven, but if you can think of more, I will add them in a future issue.

7. I’ll give you a call, Paul. You know how people say they’ll call and they never do? EXACTLY.

6. Why don’t we marry, Harry? Nothing scares a man more than someone who wants to get married after only two months of dating. If you want to ditch Harry, start dropping heavy hints about getting hitched. It is a surefire way to lose your summer lover.

5. It’s not me, it’s you, Drew. Just let him/her know what you’ve been thinking your whole life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re ok. Everyone else is the root of the problem.

4. They’re sending me up the river, Jennifer. Tell your fling that you’re being shipped off to some penitentiary like Club Fed for securities fraud. It’s believable and your significant “summer” won’t even blink an eye.

3. I’m a hoarder, Mortimer. This one takes a bit of careful planning. During the summer months, each time you are out with your fling, be sure to collect every receipt, place card, ticket, wine cork, and other forms of memorabilia. As soon as you tell your soon-to-be ex-lover about your compulsive trait, well, let’s just say, “you lost him at hoarder.”

2. Just pull a Houdini, Jeannie. The old “disappearing from the face of the Earth” trick works almost every time (though it might be a little difficult in Manhattan).

1. I’ve been hacked, Jack. Let your summer partner know that you were a “victim” of the Ashley Madison hack. You’ll be lover-less in no time. But whether you’re suffering from heartbreak, heatstroke, or whether you’re just plain happy, Hampton Sheet has some great coverage within these tony pages as you get ready for the upcoming Manhattan party season … not to mention the Hamptons Film Festival from October 8 to 12.

In this issue is our exclusive interview by Roger Friedman with our cover girl Lily Tomlin, who stars in the hit flick, Grandma, with much Oscar buzz around her. Check out our Literary Lowdown and film column as well as Aubrey’s Broadway… all keeping you up to date and in-the-know. And, of course, lots of fun Hamptons’ philanthropic summer parties to keep you up with the who’s who of society and the celebrity world. As we approach the fall season (check our Jill Brooke’s Travel Views column for tips on the best places to see the fall foliage), some of my favorite galas include the NYC Ballet Fall gala, New York Pops, the Angel Ball, PAL Luncheon, Princess Grace gala, Rita Hayworth gala, BCRF Luncheon, Library Lions, Magical Evening gala, Snowflake Ball, all of which are listed on our Hot Dates calendar.

Bu-ut oh, those summer nights!