Joan Jedell, Robert De Niro at the Women's Foundation gala

Now that we're halfway into our summer in the Hamptons, here's my take so far.
  The Good? The Parties.
  The charity events have been fun and, of course, all for good causes. Hamptonites are the most charitable people on the planet-and combined with a great party, it's a winning combination! Events for Planned Parenthood, Phoenix House, the Retreat, and Love Heals, along with the Parrish Gala and the Bay Street Gala (just to name a few), have all been wonderful. I'm looking forward to so many more, like the Designer Showhouse, Chefs and Champagne, Art for Life, Watermill Center, Super Saturday, the Southampton Hospital bash, Polo, and the ever-so-chic Hampton Classic! All of these events and more are, as usual, listed in your essential guide to the summer-in Hampton Sheet's "Hot Dates," found on page 30.
  The Bad? The Attitudes.
  Last Labor Day weekend, I was in a Hamptons local supermarket to purchase some staples to take back with me to NYC. When I put my items down on the checkout counter, apparently this seemingly innocuous action appeared pushy. You see, the woman in front of me was still taking her sweet time putting her change in the correct pocket of her wallet. She looked at my groceries and me, and then turned to her friend and said, "Don't worry, they will be gone soon!"
  Fast forward to Memorial Day weekend this year, when I was in Schmidt's picking up some produce. I apparently did the same thing, which triggered yet another woman to say to the checkout person, "They're here!"
  Yes, we are here to spend our dollars to support the local economy and pay the elevated non-local prices. And you know what? Like the divorcing former Governator would say, "We'll be back!"
 Three Blind Mice:
 Being wealthy is not necessarily equated with having good taste. I recently attended a dinner party at a wealthy couple's SH home with A-list society guests. First of all, prior to the dinner, at the cocktail schmoozing hour, no hors d'oeuvres were served. Well, we know how this crowd loves its drink, but really-not even a peanut? Not only that, but the so-called buffet dinner was, to put it mildly, horrid! It looked like all catering services were rendered by 7-Eleven. And you couldn't even think about smelling the roses lavishly overflowing around the dining room, because they were all artificial. Who would ever do that when there are so many gorgeous seasonal flowers blooming all over the Hamptons? OMG! But wait, just when you thought it couldn't get worse: Dessert was served at the buffet table with a can or two of Reddi Wip. It reminded me of a children's party where they get to create their own dessert. Whipped cream in a can? OMG! At least fake it and put it in a bowl!
  And how about the socially ousted wealthy widow who took another woman's husband away from her, seen lunching at an outdoor café -ready for this?-with her maid, which was not so bad, but she made the poor woman keep her apron on as if to say, "Look how nice I am, taking my maid to lunch."
  Pièce de résistance: Did you know that there's an irate SH policewoman on the prowl, especially at night, following people out of clubs and restaurants? Sometimes, for no apparent reason, she'll pull you over under the guise that you're a potential DUI. And how do I know this? She stopped me when all I was drinking was Panna water at Nello Summertimes that evening. She ordered me to recite the alphabet, so of course I just couldn't resist, probably making things worse by asking if she'd like it straightforward, backwards, or even sung. Of course, that didn't make things any easier for me, and as my reward for being so clever, she made up a couple of moving violations (complete lies). Um, isn't there free speech in this country? Anyway, to the rescue came the best attorney out here, Eddie Burke Jr., to deal with this. All I can say is, he's your man! I've heard nightmare stories worse than mine, like when she put a wealthy women who lives on Fifth Avenue in jail! Yup, you heard me! Handcuffed and led to the clink, where she remained as an overnight guest. She angrily told me, "I spent the night in jail and they didn't even give me a blanket!" Targeting the rich in our Mercedes, BMWs, Jaguars, Aston Martins, Ferraris, and Bentleys appears to be the modus operandi out here. How else will the towns get their revenue (other than from overpriced groceries)?! Well, be on the lookout for Officerette Krupke. Some of us out here know who she is and why she gets away with this harassment. How does she get away with it? (Ask me privately.)   So there you have it ... the good, the bad, and the three blind mice. But before I sign off, I will leave you with a word of caution. There's a point of no return when you head back east near the Lobster Inn. I call it "the way back from hell!" Recently, a new road sign was put up that does not allow drivers to make a left onto the highway to go "back" east from there. It's a nightmare! One man told me he did the legal thing and used his GPS to get him back, but to no avail! Even the GPS couldn't figure it out! So he said he told God that he made an honest effort, and out of complete frustration, made the illegal left to get back on track going east. So my advice is if you want to have dinner at the Lobster Inn, make it a pit stop on your way "back" to the city! Go west young man, go west!
  For now, let's enjoy the rest of our short-lived summer, shrugging off some of the unavoidable nuisances, and take pleasure in beach walks, shopping at our fab boutiques, drives through the scenic back roads, visits to the wonderful farm stands, relaxing at the pool with a margarita. And don't forget to look up at the evening starlit sky and take a deep breath, taking in all the wonder and beauty of this magnificent place on earth that we are so lucky to have as an escape from our busy NYC lives!
  But most of all ...

Enjoy The Sheet!

Joan Jedell appears on national and local TV.
Her photographs are syndicated worldwide.