• May Lizzie return to her rightful position as PR Queen. She more than earned her public relations stripes in the can—she had inmates eating out of the palm of her hand! Besides, any client she represents now will nab more publicity than they ever dreamed of—flashbulbs will pop wherever Lizzie shows up. May your 15 minutes start all over again!
• May Martha continue to serve omelets—rather than five years. One diva in the slammer at a time, please! And hey, catch the drift at any A-list party—it’s wall-to-Wall Street insider schmooze!!!
• May Winona have carte blanche rein at all Beverly Hills department stores. It’s free publicity and cheaper for them than legal fees, and those security alarms are damn annoying!
• May Michael Jackson, a.k.a. Wacko Jacko, get a new plastic surgeon—maybe Pinocchio’s Dr. Gepetto—and get a nose!
• May Mayor Mike step up to the plate and prove he’s a hero—just spot the city a mere couple $bil!
• May Rudy Giuliani avoid Mexico City at all costs—you’re not young enough to be kidnapped, and Judi will really be pissed if you skip the wedding!
• May the U.S. government plant proctologists at every airport—and snag the well-hidden bombs!
• May there be peace on this Wild and Crazy Earth we live on and goodwill to everybody—otherwise there may be no next year!
Through the best and worst of times in New York and the country, it has been a great year for The Sheet, and this holiday issue is jam-packed with A-list bashes, superstars, and a straight-from-the-hip Q&A with Lorraine Bracco (see p. 14) on what it’s like to get naked in The Graduate and play Dr. Melfi in HBO’s runaway smash The Sopranos. Plus, Billy Joel (see p. 28) gets personal on love, music, and the media in a no-holds-barred interview. And The Sheet continues its ongoing series on “Givers & Shakers”—New Yorkers determined to make a difference post-9/11, with a profile of pharmaceutical tycoon & philanthropist Stewart Rahr (see p. 19).
We Must Never Forget!!!
And A-listers usually get what they want—or else #%&*@%! But I think of the holiday season in terms of good wishes and generosity to others, so here’s my wish-list and I do hope Santa’s listening...
