Joan Jedell with Craig Rivera at Nello's after shooting a segment for Geraldo at Large

  Why did 'Judge' David Hasselhoff quit America's Got Talent? Why, to start his own Reality TV Show-like almost every other celeb (or wannabe celeb) in America! In a big-buck deal with A&E, you'll see Hasselhoff in real time as a single dad raising his two aspiring singer teen daughters, while he pulls his clout to help them break into the music biz. But as one Hollywood trade rag puts it, "Everybody wins-except the viewers, who don't give a hoot about the daughters and just want to see The Hoff get drunk and try to pick up women in bars."
  And there, in a nutshell, is the real deal about Let-It-All-Hang-Out TV, which has turned a nation whose biggest thrill was once Leave it to Beaver and I Love Lucy into a salivating audience of voyeurs. Forget TV-with-a-brain, forget uplifting drama, forget breaking world news. America wants to see it all hang out! Show us the biggest fatty on The Biggest Loser-and viewers can ridicule the losers while the losers think they've hit the big time as overnight ... um, overweight ... celebs. Talk about being famous for not being famous-a la The Real Housewives of New York City (and they call themselves Society!). And what about MTV's The Jersey Shore ... oh my!
How far will Let-It-All-Hang-Out TV go? Here's my take on that:
  My New Head! Talk about cutting edge-the ugliest person on the planet competes for a head transplant! Viewers follow each contestant through the wisecracks and insults of daily life that make them feel like 'ugly ducklings'-which of course is often merely a complex in one's old head, but in this case the public votes on who deserves a NEW head -and cameras film the winner through a groundbreaking transplant. And in a must-see sequel, contestants who feel they've only been appreciated for their beauty get a chance to compete for the ugly head! Heads are certainly mixed up these days ...
  Hooker Heaven! Think The Bachelor, but instead of blushing girls-next-door vying for one handsome hunk, Ashley Duprey is the host of hooker babes who compete for the attentions of one celebrity John ... er, The Spitzer, John Edwards, Jesse James (Sandra Bullock's cheater ex) just might show up for the horndog auditions! Episodes film each hooker as she uses every "trick of the trade" (quite educational for some viewers) to convince the John that she alone can "take him to heaven." The John chooses the winner -and of course gets to simulate his wildest fantasies and fetishes onscreen. Not for the squeamish!
  Road Rage-Hamptons Style! (Two nights only!) Contestants start off on the Upper East Side and tear along the LIE during rush hour to the Hamptons. The driver who gets there first within 48 hours wins (let's face it, that's how long it takes to get there these days). Drivers are encouraged to tailgate and play hardball bumper car-contestants score bonus points for bumper-bullying another vehicle off the road. And any driver who causes a pile-up-and survives the crash-gets his/her own reality TV series that follows the inspiring story in a hospital from multiple surgeries thru physical rehabilitation. Talk about misery ... this show will make viewers' lives seem like a piece of cake! It's a show that promises blood, guts, and a lotta gas.
  Madoff Mania! Viewers follow Wall Street honchos into meetings, business lunches, and cocktails as they compete to see which banker or broker can bilk unsuspecting investors out of the most moolah. (Many viewers can surely relate.) Cameras give the audience a sneak peek into backroom scheming as the honchos spin strategies-stock scams, bogus securities, insider trading, anything goes!-to lure an innocent investor into shelling out his life's savings. The banker/broker who cons the least dough each week is booted off the set, and while the one who swindles the most bucks wins, so can the biggest loser investor. Anyone left homeless gets their own Let-It-All-Hang-Out TV series that follows them begging on the streets to see how much they can recoup!
  Make Room for Sugar-Daddy! Young beauties battle in a secret mission: seduce a happily married husband and destroy his marriage! The girls are fitted with hidden mics and cameras as they each tackle a potential sugar-daddy. They must make accidental contact and use all their wiles to entice and set up trysts. Viewers peekaboo as the girls shop, pamper themselves in salons, and plan for the kill. The beauty least likely to succeed is thrown off the show each week, and the first seducer to produce a wedding ring wins! But don't shed any tears: the bereft wifey gets her own show that follows her pulling her shattered life back together!
  No doubt, Let-It-All-Hang-Out TV is here to stay, so stay glued to the tube, for there's no telling how low it will go ... uh, Potty Time?
  But for now, it's party time!

Enjoy The Sheet!

Joan Jedell appears on national and local TV.
Her photographs are syndicated worldwide.