"I was in the ladies’ room and I asked this woman if I can borrow some mascara she had, and the bitch wouldn’t lend it to me.... You know who you are out there!”

Forced by a broken drum pedal to take five from letting it rip with her band Scandal, lead songstress Patty Smyth didn’t miss a beat, smoothly segueing into a raunchy off-the-cuff standup routine during the Alzheimer’s Association Rita Hayworth Gala (“Bewitched, Bothered
& Bewildered,” underwritten by Rolex) held at the Waldorf.

An attempt by a tuxedoed John McEnroe to calm down his better half was swiftly countered by Smyth: “What are you, my therapist?” And then: “Don’t worry, honey, you’ll get some later.” Alas, the tennis champ had to wait. No dice wrangling a matrimonial racket spanking
—or whatever. Not everyone, though, had to wait for their desserts. Nurit Kahane Haase promptly received the 2007 Rita Hayworth Award, and Corporate Honors were conferred upon John Castle.

The attending glitterati set comprised, among others, gala chair Louise Kornfeld, Carolina Herrera, Joy and Regis Philbin, Donna Dixon with hubby Dan Aykroyd, Margo and John Catsimatidis, John and Andrea Stark, celebrity coiffeur Rudolfo Valentin, Francine LeFrak and
Rick Friedberg, and Samantha Perelman with billionaire daddy Ron.

Besides commemorating the eponymous Rita Hayworth, whose daughter, Princess Yasmin Aga Khan, chaired the function, this year’s gala was dedicated to the memory of Claudia Cohen. “It was her baby, aside from me,” said Claudia’s other baby, Samantha, touchingly
summarizing her mom’s longstanding devotion to this charity. There was also a wonderful tribute speech by Claudia’s good friend Susan Hess along with a clip of the recently deceased columnist speaking at a previous event, sending trails of mascara down many a cheek.

Since 1985, $50 million has been raised at the galas.
Would it be asking for the moon to finance a new drum
pedal for Patty Smyth?