Good “App” - titude

Are you there, readers? It's me, Mrs. Tittle-Tattle. I am so glad this winter is finally over! There were so many snow days, with all of us shut inside together (and domestic help stranded in Queens), that I was starting to get a little psychotic, like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

But if there was one bright light this past winter, it was the launch of the new iPhone 4 - the Verizon version, which made New Yorkers more excited than getting a taxi at rush hour. So many of my friends and family members were breathlessly awaiting this new arrival. I have not personally made the switch from Blackberry to iPhone, due to contract issues-the contract I made with my husband to stay married through good times and bad, which includes bugging the crap out of him when I purchase a new gadget and have no clue how to use it. Well, that and the actual contract I have with my phone, which hopefully will expire right around the time the iPhone 5 debuts.

The thing that really appeals to me about these new phones are all the cool apps. Of course, most of them I have absolutely no use for and they would just provide another time suck, but others seem quite useful, like the ones for restaurant and traffic info. And how about Bedbugs 101? This new app helps you locate where bedbugs have been reported, which is extremely helpful, since these critters have been the scourge of even the most exclusive Pratesi-sheeted boudoirs.

Scrolling through the colorful screen made me think about what other kind of apps might be particularly useful for life in Manhattan, especially for the Park Avenue crowd. So, here's Mrs. Tittle-Tattle's List of Fantasy Apps.

You're Busted!: Imagine an app that tells you who's had cosmetic work done. If your phone is within 50 feet of the person you are wondering about, the app can detect the presence of fillers, surgical staples, and artfully hidden stitches. Consider this scenario: You're having lunch at Saint Ambrose and nearby you spot a frenemy, who normally has a boyish figure but today looks exceptionally buxom in a low-cut top. You get up to say hello and check her out. “Wow, you two look fantastic!” you exclaim directly to her chest. She denies having had anything done, but when you go back to your seat, you tap your app and a small map of the restaurant appears. Your friend's table lights up on the screen, and sure enough, there's an icon of two large saline implants with smiley faces on them. She is so “busted”!

Tryst: Here's the app for those who want to find partners for hookups in the city. It's especially hard to do that when you're leading a double life on the Upper East Side (and you know who you are). GPS technology will reveal the best locations for raunchy exploits and show you photos and profiles of hot people who want no strings flings. There's a special “Privates Privacy” option so you can indulge in top (or bottom, depending on your preference) secret chats with anonymity. This is one app where you'll find many Manhattan “members” waiting for a “download.”

Psycho Store People: Wouldn't it be great if you could click on an app that gave you the inside scoop on toxic store employees? It would tell you things like which boutique has a saleswoman who always leaves you standing in the dressing room for 10 minutes while she gets you another size, and then when she comes back and sees you half-naked, comments that the smaller size probably will be too tight on you. Or find the Starbucks with the demented barista who screws up everybody's orders but is so nice you can't yell at her, so you end up taking out your anger on a family member instead.

Private School Scandals: This app will immediately report private school scandals in record time. Breaking news about which head of development was embezzling money from the annual fund to pay for a home in East Hampton, or which science teacher was caught growing marijuana in “potted plants” in the green house and selling it to entrepreneurial upper-school students. It will not only keep you in the loop, but could help you decide whether to apply your child to that school. The nastier the story, the better your chances are of getting in, and eventually the gossip will blow over and you'll still have your kid at an A-list school.

Who's Your Doorman?: When you are looking for a new co-op, you need to rely on this app, which gives you the real dirt. Anonymous shareholder-tenants share their honest feelings about their building staff, like which doorman has a passive-aggressive streak and doesn't give you packages because he thought “you didn't want any visitors” that day. Or about the handyman who can't even screw in a light bulb, but everyone tips really well because they think he's connected to the Mob.

There are endless possibilities, and I can't wait to see what the techno future brings. So forget your troubles - c'mon, get appy!