Business moguls took a stab at stand-up comedy, with proceeds benefiting Randall's Island Sports Foundation, at Caroline's Comedy Club, in "David Moore's Funny Business Show," part of the 2nd Annual New York Comedy Festival. Funnyman David Moore, CEO of Register.com, recruited some of NYC's top business execs to perform, including: Adman Jerry Della Femina; Jim Lebenthal, of the municipal bond firm Lebenthal & Co.; and billionaire financier Carl Icahn.
Even though these CEOs-turned-laugh-makers may be used to standing at the head of their meeting tables, the comedy act was a completely new experience for them. Della Femina, who told us how nervous he was prior to the gig, was the first up for the showdown, fishing out his childhood memories: "When I was a kid, I asked my dad the difference between Democrats and Republicans. He said, 'Democrats are poor people like us.' I said, 'What the f***, I want to be rich. I'll become a Republican!'"
Icahn was next up, stealing the show with his schtick, which turned into a long stream-of-consciousness act. He looked so relaxed on stage, we were shocked when he told us that he had not rehearsed for the show at all-proving that you don't have to rehearse to be yourself!
It was as if Icahn was spilling his life story on a therapist's couch: "My father told me I had no talent, that I wasn't good-looking enough, and I'll never amount to anything, and therefore I should become a doctor." The Princeton graduate did give medical school a try (even though he's a "germaphobe") and soon dropped out. Rather than excelling in anatomy and physiology, he discovered his knack for poker, and loved the feeling of winning for money.
Married life was also the butt of Icahn's jokes. "Three weeks ago, someone stole my wife's credit card. The thief spends less than my wife, so it's still out there." He continued, "There are three stages of marriage. The first is to do it everywhere-on the grass, kitchen table, everywhere. The second is to do it by appointment only. The third is to pass each other in the hall and say, f*** you!" He then quickly added, "I'm very happy because I'm still in the first stage."
Icahn let the crowd in on his "anti-Darwinian corporate theory," explaining how "survival of the fittest" does NOT apply in the corporate world. He didn't hesitate to comment on the habits of CEOs, quipping, "The more they're at the top, the dumber they are."
One story led to another, including Icahn's takeover of Texaco in the late 80s. The offer on the table was for $12 billion, but the wheelin'-and-dealin' Icahn nabbed the company for a mere $3 billion-and closed the deal over drinks in a bar! "Hey, $12 billion is still a lot of money today," Icahn chuckled. He was so at ease on stage, as if he was ordering up a pizza!
Icahn barely seemed to notice the audience as he spoke, and his stories went on and on-and on-becoming so lengthy, that he was prompted to leave the stage by applause led by Moore. Even then, he barely got the hint!
Hey, you can't argue with a man whose net worth is over $8.5 billion!
